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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30107727">Re:Search</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiviloQuillMaster/pseuds/AiviloQuillMaster'>AiviloQuillMaster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Re:Do [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Implied/Referenced Suicide, discussions of mental health</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:00:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30107727</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiviloQuillMaster/pseuds/AiviloQuillMaster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the Events of Re:Capture.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Re:Do [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2215476</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Re:Search</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been one week since the school festival, one week since Sayori's suicide. And you haven't been to school or even went to her house, she's already been cremated by now. You tried, you really did, you lost count of how many times you tried to stop her, but in the end, she always ends up in that noose. You had no idea what to, just for her, your best friend. That needs to change, next time <i>will</i> be different</p><p>It's late afternoon when you hear someone knock on your front door, curios, you save your page and go to see who it is. You are more than a little surprised to see Monika angrily glaring at you in your doorframe. </p><p>"Uhhhh, hi?" you try to greet her, her expression doesn't waver.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" She asks, no, demands of you.</p><p>"In my house?" You, are fairly certain you never gave her your address before, but you really can't put it past her to have just already <i>known</i>.</p><p>She sighs "Okay, let me rephrase. Why haven't you gone back to before? Why are letting Sayori stay dead?" Her hands are on her hips, less that she's angry that she's dead and more disgruntled at the inconvenience of it.</p><p>You deliberate for a moment, before stepping aside and inviting her inside. She seems shocked, and for a moment, the slightest bit hopeful. She comes in and removes her shoes, and follows you when you walk towards your room. Just outside your door you turn back to her, here eye's alight with that same shine from your "Alone Time." You almost feel bad when you tell her "Wait out here."</p><p>You don't look back as you close the door behind you, just make your way back to your bed, where three library books lay where you left them, the top one still with the makeshift mark sticking out of the top. You grab all three, and the notebook you forgot about on your pillowcase.</p><p>You come back out into the hallway, Monika flinches in the corner of your eye before turning her head. She's looking through you. </p><p>"...Come to the kitchen." you say, and make your way there. You hear her following you.</p><p>You take a seat at the counter separating the Kitchen from the main living area, Monika sits beside you. Surprisingly giving you some room, guess she's not in the mood to keep trying to flirt with you now. Hopefully that makes this simpler.</p><p>"I haven't given up if that's what you were wondering," You begin, " I just realized that I don't know enough about what she was going through to really help. I either didn't help enough or just made things worse. I needed to know why before I went back just to screw up again." You show her the book you were reading before she got here, "Anxiety and Depression for Dummies."</p><p>Monika stares at the book for a moment before picking it up, turning it to read the back.  You've gotten halfway through that one, reading and noting things that you can remember Sayori or Yuri or Natsuki had done. How they acted like some of the ways that book described. And you realized just how unprepared you were.</p><p>You  would just keep doing all the wrong things, and not even realize why things keep getting worse. Monika looks at the other two books next, The Consumer Guide to Mental Health and-</p><p>"Does this book really exist?" You hear Monika mutter under her breath as she looks at the book you suddenly wish you forgot to bring.</p><p>"Ah-hh, no it does not!" You lie, going for the book. Monika holds it away from you and opens "The Princess and the Fog", a little kids book you picked up to simplify the learning process. You weren't that big of a reader before and you figured out pretty quick that you needed a simple book for every heavy duty book you picked out. Once you went back no one would ever have to know anyways.</p><p>Except for Monika apparently, since you can't just mess with her memory of this without risking breaking anything else.</p><p>"Does it exist? On the other side of the wall? Or is this made up?" she asks, not to you. She's clearly not looking at anyone, just one hand keeping you out of reach of the book. You quickly give up on retrieving it, keep at least some of your dignity.</p><p>"Oh wow, haha." she quietly laughed, her eyes briefly flashing with emotion before fading away again</p><p>”So, I take it this is what you've been doing all week?” She asks softly, stroking the spine of the book as though it were a cat.</p><p>”...Yeah. I didn't know what I was doing, if I was actually helping or making things worse. I can't- Can't just barrel through every week and end up back with Sayori-” You could hear you voice crack, tears threatening to fall from your eyes. A vain attempt to wash away the image seared inside them, of Sayori, with her bloody hands and neck, hanging from that noose.</p><p>You feel a hand brush your shoulder, you shrug it off. You don't want comfort from her.</p><p>For the longest time, only silence spoke between you two. As you tried to will away the tears, and force down the lump in your throat. </p><p>”I know about this stuff.” Monika mutters, drawing your attention. She looks at you through the side of her eyes. </p><p>”I remember.” You remember your conversations with her in the empty club room. She brought up the subject of mental health a few times, you believe she knew, maybe still knows, more than you do. And she knew, and she still pushed Sayori closer to the edge.</p><p>”I could help you, if you asked me to. Do you want my help?” She asks, almost shyly. For a moment you consider, how much easier it would be to help everyone with someone else. Two people encouraging Sayori day after day to come to school with you. To write a new poem for everyone to read. To <i>live</i>.</p><p>Then you remember who you're talking to, remember that most of these problems are her fault</p><p>”I want you to not make things worse, I'm not hoping for more than that out of you.” You tell her, maybe harsher than you intended. She flinched, eyes cast downward at her clenched hands, so tense they were turning white.</p><p>You feel guilt crawling in your chest, you swallow it down. Sayori is your priority. You need to hear her recite her poem at the festival. To make it past that day and make her want to live. You <i>need</i> your best friend.</p><p>”I-you-” Monika stammered, at a loss for words, you can see her eyes moisten and waver. She clutched at her knees, and looks down. And for the longest time you say nothing.&gt;/p?
</p><p>You're done with this.</p><p>”We're going back now, see you at school.” You say to the empty air in front of you. Then take the core of the world and turn everything back to the beginning again.</p><p>No matter how many times it takes, you will find a happy ending for everyone. She just won't be a part of yours.</p><p>[Some mistakes cant be <i>erased</i>, Monika]</p>
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